Turning the wheel…

…..when the blue water plays with the shore to tell something…..

Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

Don’t try to criminalize working Mothers!!!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on May 11, 2017

“How can I convince my wife to leave her job to raise our child?”

The above question is asked by somebody in Quora and I liked the response shared by  Shweta Sharma an alumnus of JNV Jojawar. I am quoting her reply below:

Here is how, Don’t!

There is a possibility she might already have considered it, analysed the scenario at her work place and decided against it for some valid reasons. Getting back to workforce is not as easy as sounds. If one of you can get extended leaves, great. If not, try seeking family support if possible. I agree that leaving an infant with nanny does not sound like the perfect solution. But try thinking this from her perspective. Now you have not mentioned what industry she works in, but at some work places the competition is cut throat. I have spend good one year out of the work force and I know the toll it takes on your confidence and skills. Unless she expresses the desire to quit her job for sometime herself, try not making things difficult for her.

I am not a mother yet, but I have seen working mothers very closely. I cant even express the guilt they carry all the time. The guilt for not being a good wife, for not being there when the kid needed them, for not spending every waking second with the kid! Chances are, she is already having post partum depression. It is important to get the support system robust for the time being. I agree that the kid needs much attention, but as selfish as it sounds, you guys were spouses first and parents later. Listen to her. She might have good reasons to continue to work. She might have insecurities about leaving work which she cant voice. In any case, this decision should come from her. Ideally this is something couples discuss before the situation arises. But now that you are already on the field, don’t lose that team spirit. God knows you will need it when the kid will be a teenager. Both of you will have to put in efforts to raise the kid and both of you will have to support each other.

Most of the days, on my way to work I see a woman with her baby. The baby girl is around 6-7 months old. The mum takes the baby with her, drops it in day care and on her way back, gets the baby along. It is such a lovely sight! It helps that it is a happy baby! She keeps all of us engaged, waves around to everyone, blows kisses, keeps giggling. But most of all, the baby and the mum, they just seem so happy to see each other! It just melts our hearts every time we see them. Once I had to change my route and catch the train at the stop where they start. The kid just could not stop kissing her mum, and the mum reciprocated. Of course, the kid cooled down in some time and her attention was shifted to showing her mum all things interesting, like her fingers or the hoarding or a passing train! That is the kind of relationship you want with your kid! Not one where a dissatisfied human being hoovers over the kids’ heads to prove to be a good parent.

Take your time to understand this new situation, give your wife sometime too. Be really careful about this nanny thing, take all steps necessary to ensure the person you are leaving your kid with is reliable.

There is a pearl of wisdom I got from one of my previous managers, “when you will be a parent don’t forget to be a wife. remember he was there first, and he will be around when the kid spreads it’s wings. Never abandon this friendship. Because it is what gives you strength.” Now you don’t need to be a wife, that advice was custom made for me, but rest of it can be true for you.

Well, so here it goes my stand! 🙂

I would say “No”, please don’t. It should be her choice! I would say it should be her decision to work or stay home with the kids, and most important is she ‘must‘ do what will make her most happy, not what ‘should‘ make her happy. You don’t need to convince her for which she is not ready to sacrifice. I have seen mostly women leave their job to sacrifice their career in the name of marriage and child. Though they are highly educated and can stand on their own feet, but they find no option but to give up their careers for the sake of their family. Why should it be only a father who would do a job in order to earn money? Why don’t a man find him worthy enough to take care of his child? Let me tell you honestly, a mother loves her children more than her own life. It is a mother who sees that her children’s needs are fulfilled before her own.  And being a mother she must have thought something and planned well to take such decision. If you convince her that would anyways have a bad effect on your relationship with her. So, you don’t need to convince or force her. Instead convince yourself that it’s her life, her choices, and it’s all about her decision! Respect it!!!

I think, there is a dividing line between ‘CHOICE’ and ‘SACRIFICE’!!! One must understand it. I would like to get answers for same question from all the corners as well. Let me see what others say about it.

Posted in As a Woman, Children's Special, Love n Life, Men n Women, Relationships, Society, Thoughts | 46 Comments »

Circumstances!… A very touching poem written by Suhani!!!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on July 30, 2014

This below poem is sent by Vishwas bhaiya. A very touching poem written by Suhani, who is a school going girl and a lovely daughter of Vishwas Saxena bhaiya. Please go through the emotions projected and exempt her from grammar—reading this I have some questions for existing education system . A consideration is needed. Anyway read the tender emotions of a fairy and feel her agony!

 

Circumstances

Every good thing comes to an end!
That is true when my grandmother become sick
And to cure her there was no trick.

Some say organ failure,
Some say paralysis
But we don’t know what the exact crisis

When we were fighting tooth and nail
They told me you school fees was going in vain

When I took leave to curb her loneliness
They said me your attendance was less
Yet they gave me speech topic “old age or
Loneliness who was responsible”
I think its school!!!!!!

When my brother was sacrificing his boards,
My mother ignoring her lectures which she never did
And my father who thrashed the government rules
Came from country far off
Just see her well of
That time their attitude showed off.

When I get myself medicine trained
They told you can be detained!

When I was stealing time to sleep
They told wake up this is not time to creep.

But in the mean time she was sinking and
Your homework is not complete they were shrieking.

When told the reason they said this
Excuse for this season.

She is their but quiet what
To do I cried
I took her my priority
Goons of school shed their superiority.

Than come my final exams
Sitting in intensive care unit
I am finishing mu maths unit
Eight days passed their
She came home as she is here

I passed my exams with self satisfactory Marks
And on myself they leave no scars

Now they threat me this is boards
When we are fighting with black society crowds.
Who can consider daughter but not daughter in law
And for this there is no law.

Than they ordered to take a game
And at home we are playing game of blame

She had big! Big! bed sours
On which everyday compounders knife and sizzer throws
And she and we use to roar.

In this calamity of
Howling of society…………..
Trespassed rules……………..
And chasing a college………
We don’t have time to curb our fatigued
They told these chapters you have to read.

Now came a deadly day
When her hemoglobin come to
Three
And doctor advised for blood transplant
My mother did it for her.

Pure blood matched legendary blood!
But alas! The organ fails
And from the world she sails
She departed and we parted!!

Now I say that in student’s life
There are some circumstances
Which led to odd instances

So kindly be kind to them
Otherwise you can face the same.


Written by Srijna Saxena (Suhani)

Posted in As a Woman, Children's Special, Family n Friends, Guest Posts, Nation Building, Society, Thoughts, Value Education | 1 Comment »

DO you think you are worth nothing?

Posted by Rewa Smriti on February 28, 2014

Posted in Aspiring Attitudes, Love n Life, Thoughts | 2 Comments »

Golden Glow!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on January 30, 2014

A few months ago I was going to my home town. I was looking out of the window sitting on the lower berth in my compartment. It was a little dark in the afternoon with rain falling. I could see the beautiful sceneries that were visible from the window. I looked at those lively glowing crops. At a glance, I grasped, the way crops were heavily influenced to dance with wind on the rhythm of the breeze, as if they are trained by rain.

A few moments later, the feeling was enormous and my thoughts were being reflected in the beautiful song played by somebody, “मिट्टी की है जो ख़ुश्बू, तू कैसे भुलायेगा ….” sounds floated on the breeze. It took me on a short drive to my memory land. My heart was chirping in a tremendous way. It isn’t often that we look at certain places, listen to certain tunes and certain rhythms as belonging to a certain time to remember those moments. Sometimes nature is just trying to teach us, if we would only listen. Yes, sometimes it is!

The seven long years in school hostel…pump-pa-pump! 🙂 The school campus has boundary walls on all four sides, surrounded by green trees and the green banana plants. One can see the beautiful sceneries next to boundary wall especially in spring. A little further behind, the wheat crop turns from green to golden yellow in color. It seems like the slow wind revealing the secrets, and eventually a little movement of leaf trying to convey something to me. For a few periods the difference on color was an act in response on recognizing them. All it captured my attention exactly like how the law of attraction works. Nevertheless, it was a full practical understanding of the Law of Attraction!

Life is full of change. From one year to the next and often from one day to the next. I remembered how I occasionally used to sit there on the roof of the hostel building with my friends and watching the lovely village behind the school in winters. Yet every morning, the long grass offered an unexpected surprise especially in December, in the midst of wintry weather and when we friends even couldn’t see each other due to fog.  Being up early, we could see the dew covered ground all across the grassy carpet as if millions of diamonds were thrown onto the ground to welcome us. An exquisite beauty lies hidden between the grass and dewdrops if we could only take the time to notice.  It’s indeed, a gift and a delightful kiss of winter waves for an early riser…!

It was the treasured phase of my life. The best part was the oneness with nature. I loved seeing sunrise and sunset there every morning and evening, standing there in the vast field and watching sun retiring behind the trees; it was simply beautiful to look at.  It was like thousands of butterflies flying around me, especially, in the evening in the playground during sunset.  It was then, with some sense of excitement, its real life, real love, make me feel like I am special every day! If there is any way to ‘know’ love – any sort of way to describe or define it. Love, at least to me, includes so many things that I don’t even know where or how to begin. At that time, I never felt the real meaning of serenity.

Everything that has flashed in my mind does not find expressions in words. That phase of my life has given me so much inspiration throughout the years of my stay there. Time and again, it taught me how to improve my life by driving me to be kinder and more understanding, changing the way I see myself and the world; making me question and even strengthen my will power and values.  And to add, the waves of emotions, they kept on telling me that “Always trust yourself and your own feelings. Life is yours; you live it your way…!” Honestly, it taught me more about myself than any other person did and in return I can only say that I will always love that intimacy with the nature…

Coming back to the present from the memory lane, a few minutes later, realizing that now the years have passed.  It will always be there in my memories.  Life has taught me so much where I have come across all emotions, in shaping the person I am today. It is almost 15 years now…still those memories are fresh in the mind and bring tear to my eyes that keep rolling silently and speak a thousand unsaid words…

वक़्त का ये परिंदा रुका है कहाँ, मैं था पागल जो इसको बुलाता रहा

Posted in Family n Friends, Love n Life, Moments with Memories, Relationships, Thoughts | 2 Comments »

The waves of my tunes…

Posted by Rewa Smriti on December 29, 2013

Sitting on the shore,

Talking to the waves,

One after another,

The tides rush over me,

Wash my feet,

Play with the tips of my toes.

The waves of my tunes,

Taken out of my soul,

The rushing waves that say,

I would like to rewind the time,

To the moments where I want you,

Again, on same pitch,

On the same track,

That remains the same as before!

A silent tear rolls down….

Posted in As a Woman, Own English Poems, Thoughts | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Invaluable values…!!!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on November 28, 2013

In a tête-à-tête I came across the below remark and somehow it made me smile on people’s narrow-mindedness that too when they claim that they don’t know the person about whom the below was commented.

“Unke school mein yehi sikhaate hain kya”

It somehow urged me to thank them to appreciate (though negatively) that schools teach some good values. If talked about teachings in the schools, it would take infinite number of books to be filled; however, here I would like to quote my own example just to give few glimpses of values and teachings that any school would give to its students.

My most valuable school experiences weren’t only academic. They were all about people—social skills, respect, dedication, empathy, standing for one’s right, being responsible and realizing one’s own potential. On the one hand, in the classroom, I learned that doing my best counted far more than academic ability.  On the other hand, on the sports field, I learned about winning and losing graciously. Winning never meant that I should be arrogant and losing never meant that I would feel insulted. And in both the situations we were loved, hugged and encouraged by our teachers. I personally feel-

No matter what you do for a living, no matter how old you are, and regardless of where you grew up, You will ONLY understand what I do ONLY if you were “raised” by a Teacher!!!(not only by parents).

My school has also taught me to believe in my existence, stay firm on my words and raise my voice if I find something is going wrong.

Respecting does not mean to be quite and listen to any crap and accepting mistakes does not mean that you are weak. My schooling surely taught to apologize if I am wrong and forgive if somebody realizes his/her mistake. Of course, what I have not been taught in school is to be arrogant, to interfere in others’ life without their consent, behaving selfishly and not being responsible.

I would like to ask a question here, I always wondered that how would people think that they give respect to their school or values they learnt for that matter, if they do not respect others’ schooling?

After knowing such mindsets, I feel proud of what my teachers taught me! I somehow feel to quote what my teachers would say me in those schooling days. In fact, I recently talked to my chemistry teacher, Ali sir (He is a principal, posted at JNV Murshidabad, WB now), he was repeating same thing: “My children are living within four boundary walls but I wish their thinking should be beyond these boundary walls. They must think far beyond such limited walls as they have all the qualities and capabilities”.

Remembering such words, I feel that I really learnt some values from my teachers and feel sad for people who did not learn the values given by their teachers.

I somehow remembered a song… “Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai yeh…”  Enjoy!!! 🙂

Posted in Aspiring Attitudes, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Value Education | 19 Comments »

कौन हूँ मैं…

Posted by Rewa Smriti on October 31, 2013

This is a guest post sent by one of my dear junior Shweta Singh. I am sorry dear for taking time to post it here.

अगर रख सको तो एक निशानी हूँ मैं,

खो दो तो सिर्फ एक कहानी हूँ मैं ,

रोक पाए न जिसको ये सारी दुनिया,

वो एक बूँद आँख का पानी हूँ मैं…..

सबको प्यार देने की आदत है हमें,

अपनी अलग पहचान बनाने की आदत है हमे,

कितना भी गहरा जख्म दे कोई,

उतना ही ज्यादा मुस्कराने की आदत है हमें…

इस अजनबी दुनिया में अकेला ख्वाब हूँ मैं,

सवालो से खफा छोटा सा जवाब हूँ मैं,

जो समझ न सके मुझे, उनके लिए “कौन?”

जो समझ गए, उनके लिए खुली किताब हूँ मैं,

आँख से देखोगे तो खुश पाओगे,

दिल से पूछोगे तो दर्द का सैलाब हूँ मैं…

अगर रख सको तो निशानी,

खो दो तो सिर्फ एक कहानी हूँ!!!

——————————

Posted in As a Woman, Guest Posts, Society, Thoughts | Tagged: | 3 Comments »

Principles or Rules?

Posted by Rewa Smriti on August 30, 2013

I found a nice video and thought of sharing it with you.

It depicts the correlation between principles and rules. My pick from the video is that both these go hand in hand, the only thing is, one needs to priorities them based on the existing circumstances. Please share your thoughts as well… 🙂

Posted in India n Me, Society, Thoughts, Video Clips | 5 Comments »

राह पकड़ तू एक चला चल…

Posted by Rewa Smriti on July 10, 2013

Sometimes, a few words can speak volumes!

Rah pakar tu.palash

Posted in As a Woman, Family n Friends, It's Only Words, Love n Life, Relationships, Thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Practice before you preach!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on May 25, 2013

Some people tend to talk about their Upbringings and Education. Undoubtedly, upbringing is important and it helps a lot in our behavior. You may continue to talk about your upbringing; however, no upbringing is perfect, there is always room for improvement! In short, please educate yourself before preaching others. You don’t have to be a classroom teacher or formal educator to educate yourself.  Think deeply!

Actually, I think that the so called elite upbringing and education does not “make you capable of talking and insulting other people who aren’t like you.” Let me say this as plainly as I can that if somebody is not like you, it does not mean that he/she is below you! (Here I emphasize people with dual standards are better explained with the saying: “Elephant who has two set of teeth-one to show off and the other to chew with.”)

No matter what your upbringing is, the essence of education is: to have it and use it!

The second false assumption is that all so called good city upbringing provide a set of education and behavior. Nevertheless, one’s upbringing is not a genuine explanation for their behavior versus an excuse not to take responsibility for their wrong actions. Education knows no bound whether you acquire it from a renowned institutes or a big city like Delhi vis-a-vis from a school in a village. Deep down, No matter what your upbringing is, the essence of education is: to have it and use it!

Posted in Thoughts, Value Education | Tagged: , | 6 Comments »

 
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