Turning the wheel…

…..when the blue water plays with the shore to tell something…..

Right to choose in the first place!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on September 27, 2009

Yesterday I was talking to one of my juniors on phone and her mood was totally off. She had a fight with her colleagues. While talking to her, I realized that she had got hurt. She was very much angry and when I inquired her, she said,

“pata nahi ye ladke log khud ko kya samajhte hein. I don’t know why they take only themselves to be talented”. One of her colleagues said that “girls ko to aise hi select kar lete hein, tujhe padhne ki jarurat kya hai? Aise hi shakl dekhkar number or promotion mil jayegi. Waise bhi shadi ke baad to ghar hi sambhalna hai. Promotion ki tension chod aur homemaker banne ki taiyari karo. You will not have any other choice because you are a woman!”

Hmmm… first of all why should it be shameful to admit that we are homemakers? Why can’t we simply say, “Yes, I am a homemaker”. No qualifiers, no need to prove ourselves and no feelings of guilt. Instead, one needs to respond with a silent smile and see the great joy of accomplishment shrouded in that word, “homemaker”!

Actually, her embarrassment is not being called a homemaker. Rather in being told that she is “fated” to be a homemaker. The role of a mother in shaping the life of man cannot be omitted. No way. But, a woman needs to have the choice to play a bigger role in the society. The choices are not only made for a man. And its not so that a man only has the right to lead his life his own way. I too have a number of friends who say, “I don’t want my wife to work, so she doesn’t work.” That’s fine! But, the question is if a guy has the right to take his own decision then why can’t a girl? Do the guys only know how, when and what decisions are to be taken?

Women are well known for multitasking, then why can’t they take decisions? Why should a woman totally depend on somebody? Please don’t say that a woman doesn’t know better or doesn’t have the capability. I simply can’t accept it! I believe, no one is either fully dependent, or fully independent. We are rather interdependent. So how can a man expect that woman should fully depend on him? If a woman can run a country just as well as she can run a home, what sense does it make to deny her right of choice?

People use to say, “It’s so easy. Just make the right choice! It’s not a tough job!” Well, let me say that right now, it is a tough job for women. It is very tough to make the right choices even when everything seems to be going perfectly fine because our society has yet to give the right to choose to everybody. People don’t only need to upgrade their current systems but they do need to upgrade their mindset too!

We need a society where women are given the right to choose, in the first place. I don’t say that just given the right to choose, we will have a civilized society. The right to choose may be misued too, as we see with the lifestyle of women caught up in the trends of consumerism, vanity and page-3 culture. This is certainly not desirable. And the same holds true for a man. But denied the right to choose will not let a good society to emerge either.

Men and women can work together in all dimensions of life, and help each other to make this earth a better place to live in.

Men may feel worried at this today, but in the long run they will feel proud of us! 🙂

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16 Responses to “Right to choose in the first place!”

  1. Hmmm. . . . Nice topic.First i would like to console the broken heart of that girl who was angry with her friend.You can do everything . No matter you are a girl or boy,matter is how strong will power you have .So friends give credit to all to make our nation strong, irrespective of sex and also promote your neighbour ,sisters and your girl friend to more and more and come out of the curtain .

    Regards ,
    Dr.Abhay Kr.
    Darbhanga,Bihar

  2. abhi said

    Good men always feel proud of such women provided they tackle household stuff equally well too!!

  3. shashwat said

    Agree with Dr. Abhay.

  4. Abhiraj said

    Nice to see a well balanced and thought provoking one after a slumber from your side. While disparity at workplace is certainly not desirable and right to choose is every one’s right, equally true as you put forward and I quote – “The right to choose may be misued too, as we see with the lifestyle of women caught up in the trends of consumerism, vanity and page-3 culture.This is certainly not desirable. And the same holds true for a man.”

  5. Ruchita said

    “The right to choose may be misued too, as we see with the lifestyle of women caught up in the trends of consumerism, vanity and page-3 culture.This is certainly not desirable. And the same holds true for a man.”

    Your post is wonderfully ironic!

    Women Work! Every homemaker should feel very proud of what you do and happy because you are the pillar of family. The problem is, these conservative people don’t believe it is worthy work which is why its only good enough for women to do it.

    I think all woman should have the right to choose how they should go with their lives.

  6. nidhu said

    you really write well and its really nice u took up this topic….

  7. Agree Agree Agree!!! 😀

  8. You are absolutely right. They (Man/Women) must have equal right for their choices. Fortunately we believe in democracy and the law of land allows every citizen (Man/Women) to make their own choices.
    If we will talk about the God gifted strength, I think Women have the upper hand.
    I don’t see anything that women are not capable of. But it is also true that, there are big challenges for women in this male dominated society. They have to take these challenges and have to move forward. I learnt a word called “restlessness”. They have to be restless for the thing, what they want. There should be fighting spirit. Everyone has to understand that, making changes are not easy. There must be a fire. We need to heat the metal before we give it a new shape. This society has to be meltdown before we mould it in the proper shape. So everyone (Man/Women) has to be ready to feel the heat of changes.
    I don’t think we need to wait, we men always feel proud of women.

  9. mehek said

    rightly said agree with u rews.also if both r working,then both should also equaly share work to be done in home.may it be cooking,chores or kids.

  10. Ranjeeta said

    Hi Rewa

    [The right to choose may be misued too, as we see with the lifestyle of women caught up in the trends of consumerism, vanity and page-3 culture.This is certainly not desirable. And the same holds true for a man.]

    Very true and very well said. I agree with you.

    I think women have sufficient capability to make their own decisions. When women make decisions about their own, we all need to listen from society ‘their choices is not reasonable’ and this leads in to where we are. why cant people mind their own business?

  11. Nidhi said

    “girls ko to aise hi select kar lete hein, tujhe padhne ki jarurat kya hai? Aise hi shakl dekhkar number or promotion mil jayegi. Waise bhi shadi ke baad to ghar hi sambhalna hai. Promotion ki tension chod aur homemaker banne ki taiyari karo. You will not have any other choice because you are a woman!”

    ….ha ha ha,sooo funny! 😆

    1st of al,men need to reevaluate demselvs.
    men hav tendency to underestimate d potential of a woman.bt inspite of al dat,wenevr women set their minds to something,de alwys succeed!!no matter wat!
    v cnt change d men bt v can INSPIRE dem to change. 🙂

  12. Nidhi said

    “The right to choose may be misued too, as we see with the lifestyle of women caught up in the trends of consumerism, vanity and page-3 culture.This is certainly not desirable. And the same holds true for a man.”

    VERY WELL SAID…..sahi samay par sahi baat.in d name of freedom,men misuse their power nd women misuse their rights.

    “The freedom of belief does not mean freedom to kill.”

  13. lucky said

    Im bk 😛 ……..dekho ji,ladkiya gets the benefits satya hai …..par dete to ladke log hi hai ……!!! par kahe ki ladayi ,sarkar ne toh duniya badal di ……..tu ladka,mein ladki,tu brahmin,mein shudra,tu SC,mein ST…….kon na kare hai parakh dimag ki ,ol r based on sex n cast !!! aise hi chalna hai yaro ……kahe kisi ke upar julm dhate ho ….!!! khud sabko alag kare hai jamana,fir bat kare hai ekta ki …wah re meri sarkar ………mere pyar 🙂

    rewa ji …..kuch kavita likhi hai ….padne aa jao mere blog par 😛

  14. nidhi said

    ei bat ta nihayat galat bat ba.ok kavano bat naikhe.ab ham bolen v to kia bolen.kyon bolen?sach to sach hi hai na.bat ye hai ki sab ma ke kokh se hi janam lia hai.sabko rite v ma se mili hai.ladke khan se denge,inke pas hi nai hai to kia denge. 🙂

    all rights reserved with Mom!!!

  15. Garima jain said

    People need to be free to choose who they desire to be,but we women are not. That’s why I fight, and why I debate. I sometimes come off as angry or,as some people close to me said,’man-hating’,because I attack the male dominated institution and I am not going to stop it. I’m angry at the societies that have taken away women’s ability to choose how to live their life. That’s why women need to educate men.

  16. nidhi said

    Working women face more domestic violence in India: Study

    Although working women help in bringing financial stability to a family, their professional life often subjects them to increased domestic violence in India, according to a new study.

    The study carried out between 2005 and 2006 on 750 married women aged between 16 and 25 in Bangalore, found that those who became employed during that time had an 80 per cent higher chance of being abused by their husbands than women who remained unemployed.

    It also found that women whose husbands had difficulty finding or keeping a job were more than twice as likely to experience domestic violence during that period.

    The research, conducted by RTI International, a North Carolina-headquartered research institute, in association with Indian Institute of Management in Bangalore and other U.S. institutions, examined the association between spousal employment status and physical domestic violence in the southern Indian city.

    According to Suneeta Krishnan, an epidemiologist in RTI’s Women’s Global Health Imperative, the women subjected to the study were interviewed three times during the two-year period and their research “highlights the complex challenges of women’s empowerment”.

    “While increasing women’s access to meaningful and fair employment, we must recognise the potential social repercussions of these efforts,” she said

    “Our study is consistent with evidence that rapid changes in gender roles and relations can lead to backlash, including violence against women.”

    Ms. Krishnan said key social expectation of men once married is that they work and earn for their family, and failure to meet this expectation can lead to social disapproval.

    “Social disapproval, a sense of inadequacy and frustration and related stressors associated with living in poverty may increase the likelihood of men perpetrating domestic violence,” she reasoned.

    Fifty-seven per cent of women participating in the study reported having experienced domestic violence prior to joining the study.

    Additionally, 19 per cent of women who had not experienced domestic violence prior to the study experienced it at some point during the two-year period.

    The findings also showed that women in “love” marriages were almost twice as likely to experience domestic violence than those in more traditional arranged marriages, highlighting the adverse impact of flouting social norms.

    “This study underscores the urgent need for programmes that address the impact of poverty and gender norms on men and programmes that explicitly focus on promoting unbiased gender attitudes and norms so that we can achieve a violence-free and gender-equitable future,” Ms. Krishnan added.

    The research was funded by the U.S. Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.

    http://beta.thehindu.com/news/national/article40166.ece

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