Turning the wheel…

…..when the blue water plays with the shore to tell something…..

Marriage Matters!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on January 6, 2009

Recently, somebody asked me that what would you like to go for ‘an arrange marriage or love marriage’? I said, I like arrange marriage with full of love and understanding. After listening my answer he said, analyse it properly if there is love in an arranged marriage! He also added that “arranged marriages” are very common in many conservative families and true love is not there.

I guess, there is diference between modernity and conservative culture. If you go for arrange marriage it doesn’t mean you are conservative. The main thing is how two generations communicates with each other. I am not against of love marriage or nor do I say it’s bad, but Love Marriage doesn’t mean a bed full of red roses!

Well, no matter it is love or arranged, a marraige that has the foundation of understanding, trust, mutual respect, sharing, maturity and love would last forever. I do believe, a “well thought” decision has to be “well respected” with “well understanding” would last longer. No two individuals can be the same, so it all about the matters how one adjusts with each other.

From the very beginning, we used to heared “dont fall in love with anyone”. Generally, we have been told that parents select right person when right time comes and most of us are happily follow parent’s decisions. However, these day parents understand that the time has changed and they can not impose their decisions on children, and so sometimes they get scared of their children. In fact, I suggest that all should be given chance to select their life partners under the proper guidance of parents!

On the other hand, as we grow, we think we become mature and like to take our own decision whether it’s right or wrong. Now a day, some of guys and girls think that they are smart enough in selecting their partner so at times they go against of their parents. Actually, I personally don’t like it and also I do not intend to hurt anyone’s feelings either! But, one question to all guys and girls who are going to marry against their parents views, “if you can’t love your parents, how can you love your partner?”

Now, in present scenario if we talk about security of Marriage, then I find arrange marriage have more family security compared to others in Indian Society. Why so many love marriages fail compared to arranged marriages? I think the main reason of failure of a marriage is misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust not because it’s love marriage or arranged marriage!

By the way, what kind of marriage you prefer? 😉

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32 Responses to “Marriage Matters!”

  1. Ambika said

    Very very true.. A successful marriage does not have to be an arranged one always, or vice-versa.

    Nowadays, parents encourage their children to find a life-partner of their choice. But they should understand, they’ve been given the freedom because their parents trust them to find someone with whom they’ll be able to lead a happy life forever. Not because, the parents want to avoid the blame, in case the marriage doesn’t work!

    The under-current is, find someone such, who is acceptable to both yourself & your parents!

    Your parents might be a little less-educated than you are, but they certainly are more experienced!!!
    (applicable to me as well) 😀

  2. Ambika said

    I just recieved an SMS which I would like to share with all-
    “By the time you realise what your parents said was right… You will have a kid who has begun thinking that you are wrong..!!”

    🙂

  3. Shashwat said

    Hmmm… 🙂

    “Now, in present scenario if we talk about security of Marriage, then I find arrange marriage have more family security compared to others in Indian Society. Why so many love marriages fail compared to arranged marriages? I think the main reason of failure of a marriage is misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust not because it’s love marriage or arranged marriage!”

    Well in most of “love marriages” there is no love at all, i will call it some kind of arrangement. Look around urself do we really find couples who are in love? Most of them want gf bf bcz evry1 else hav, they dont!! So they start looking for some1!! Its not called love, its pure n simple arrangement. Love is something diff….
    As Ghalib said,
    इश्‍क पर जोर नहीं है ये वो आतिश गालिब,
    जो लगाये न लगे और बुझाये न बने!।
    U cant force urself or other to be in love. But most of so called love marriages are based on ARRANGEMENTS only. No wonder as u mentioned “misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust”! Whn u r in love, she/he is more imp than any misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust. Even if u want u cannot, ur heart wont allow, “बुझाये न बने”!! (Obviously exceptions wil always b there).

    Now which 1 is better, if u r in love with some1, go for love maariage, even if ur parents oppose it. If u r not in love, let parents take over. (Love, what i quoted above, not arrangement).

    Why we will oppose our parents for love marriages?
    First, wht cud b the reasons for parents to oppose…..dowry, caste issue, ladka achha nahi hai, main tumhara/i baap/maan hun!
    Dowry, caste issue….nothing to say.
    Ladka acha nahi hai…is not valid in love.
    Main tumhara/i baap/maan hun—no one can help!

    One more thing, if u love someone how can u leave her/him? Right u love ur parents too. But the questions is who is right/wrong? Dharm bhi kahta hai….sach aur jhuth men sach ko chuno, bhale hi koi bhi khilaaf ho.

    If one is convinced tht he is in love, he believes tht he can make decisions for himself, go ahead wth love marriage. Otherwise, ur parents wl b happy, but whole life u wl b in pain.

    I believe there r only 2 options….1) U r in love…love marriage 2) U r not in love…arranged marriage.

    Love marriage is not responsible for misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust and divorce, arrangement is. 1980 men arrangement nahi the, aaj hain (Thanks to bollywood n MTV), isliye misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust and divorce bhi jyada hai.

  4. Nice chapter Rewa jee. . . .

    Marriage is not only bond of the two body rather of the two soul, either arranged or love. . . . Truly said.Many of the cases i have seen the love marriage is also not sweet and arrange marriage is more successful. . . . So cant say about the reliability of love marriage ,mainly the immature lovers who fall in pomp and show .But the love among the nature partner is almost successful. . . . . But love is blind so no matter of maturity or immaturity.If we have better understanding ,we can make our marriage life more successful. . . . .

    My good wishes to all love marriage supporter and arrange marriage supporter who are going to start life within the boundary of true love and understanding. . . .

  5. Tarun said

    Success of marriage doesn’t depend how you got married. Actually in love marriage both partners tries to impress each other initially so lots of care and communication before marriage but after marriage but obvious attitude get change, they already know each other, history geography almost everything so less excitemet. But in arranged marriage it’s exactly opposite of this. So more chances of survivor but there is drawback of arranged marriage too and most of the time it’s girl who suffer.

    So my verdict na kum na jyada yaani aadha aadha – go for semi-arranged maariage 🙂 that’s the right choice baby Aaha !

    Happy New Year Rewa.

  6. anupam said

    in short, ” To b happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To b *happy* with a woman you must love her a “lot” and not try to understand her at all. gem of a advice!!!

    love or arrange, the beauty of marriage is always a secret.and it remains a secret!! hope you find out….all the best…..

  7. anupam said

    ahh, by the way..i m thinking of luv cum arrange through mails.hahahaha

  8. Lucky said

    Hey ………. I wanna comment on this…. allow me 🙂

    believe me this time my word wulnd’t play with ne1’s feeling …….

  9. Nidhi said

    “a marraige that has the foundation of understanding, trust, mutual respect, sharing, maturity and love would last forever. I do believe, a “well thought” decision has to be “well respected” with “well understanding” would last longer.”

    well said.
    marriage is built on trust.ny relationsp grows wen u giv time nd effort to it.i wud prefer arranged cum lov marriage.

  10. Lucky said

    Thanks ….Rewa !!!

    Hi frnds …..happy new year to all of u 🙂

    I believe marriage is not a bond between two person , but its between two families …..two culture !!!

    So if u n ur better half is ready to compromise with each other familie’s principle wat they hav…….after that nothing is matters…watever it may be Love or arrange

    n…..compromise is not a bad word ……but it shuld be two way……..wen it become a one way traffic then it introduce problems …….!!!

    Love your parents first…then other things …….cos Parents are only which u get once in a life ……

    So ……do wat u want to do …love/arrange …..but think abt ur parents …..u r the only one on whom they hav some trust in the whole world ……or I can say u r their world …..

  11. Shahrukh Khan said

    Oye Lucky..Locky Oye!
    Sahi kaha bhai…do wat ever you want..but never hurt your PARENTs.

  12. Lucky said

    ==> Why so many love marriages fail compared to arranged marriages? I think the main reason of failure of a marriage is misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust not because it’s love marriage or arranged marriage!

    I think Sharswat already has said much about this topic ….. 🙂

    “misunderstanding, mis-communication, mistrust” ……. ???
    Mere vichar se “mis communication ” nahi balki ” plenty of communication ” iska karan hai ….shaddi se pehle hi jab aap sari bato ko jan lo to shadhi ke bad bachta kya hai ………the projection wat u hav before marrige is suddenly change …kyunki aap ne pyar pane ke chakkar mein apni identity ko badal rakha tha …. 🙂

    Arrange marriage mein aap time lete ho har vyakti ko ,har relation ko samajhne mein ……..beet jatein hai 2-3 baras…..fir ho jatein hai bachche …unki parvarish mein nikal jatein hai 4-5 saal ……fir sochtein hai ke bhahiya ab to time hi nikal gaya …..kaha jaye ……..isliye break up kam hotein hai ……… Love marriage mein to sab kuch hi pehle ho jata hai to …..time hi time hai divorce file karne ka 🙂

    TO ji ……Love karo ke arrange .par raho wahi jo aap ho …kahi apne aap ko badalne ke chakkar mein life hi na badal lo 🙂

  13. Dear Lucky. . .
    The reason of those love marriage which are not peaceful is the love made made in mask face. . . The boy fall in external beauty of the girl and girl fall in the money of the boy. . . . And only the bright face of the lovers are seen not dark face. The same love and same face is searched by the pairs that is masked by the dark face of the pairs which was not noticed before falling in love. So their expectation goes in vein. All this dreams seem to be scattered so this is bitterness in the relation. In contrast in arrange marriage there is no way how to attract the pairs. The pairs see everything dark and bright face from 1st day and try to adept in that. So its successful. But those love marriage are really successful which are established by seeming their all corner of the life.

  14. ranjeeta said

    What’s the right reason to get married? What are the reasons of a marriage failure?…and let’s find out why?

    Lucky, very well said. 🙂 We should take care of our parents feelings.

  15. Nidhi said

    ab log lov(tp) karte hain bt bt bt shadi nai.live in relation ka jamana a gya hai. 😛

  16. kiran said

    Love is blind. So, love marriages are also blind.

    In love marriage u always expect more and thats the most common reason of a love marriage failure. There can be many reasons of failure in any relationship.

  17. nikhil said

    Love is blind…Marriage is eye opener…!! 🙂

  18. Nidhi said

    caste ka chakkar arnge mrge me v nai hai ji.ab prnts v inter caste arrange mrge apni ichha se karwa rhe hain our ise encourage v kar rhe hain.isliye koi tension nakho lene ka 😉

  19. Prem said

    Arrange a Love – Marriage may not happen.

    But if Marriage happen – Arrange a Love Affair.. 🙂

  20. mehek said

    shaadi chahe arranged ho ya love se ho,us mein trust,respect,pyar,samarpan kebhav jaruri hai.

  21. Vishal said

    Shadi ka laddu jo khaye pachtaye jo na khaye vo v pachtaye 🙂

  22. Brip said

    I am firm believer in arranged marriage, and I somehow feels that it is the sole reason for marriage institution to remain alive in this world.

  23. Ranjeeta said

    A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

  24. Manoj Maurya said

    Rewa,
    I am one of last ones to post on this issue I think.

    Here are my points:

    1. Marriage is legal and social prostitution. A person can sleep with one or more persons or can do whatever he/she wants if married, but not otherwise. Why relationship of marriage is taken as granted for doing a lot of inhumane things? And it makes me laugh “Marriages are made in heaven”. Kaash aisa hota!!

    2. Rewa’s argument ‘If you can’t love your parents, then how you can love your partner’ is not any argument at all. Can you please tell me what is relationship between two parts of the above sentence?? It’s like “if you can’t go to Delhi, then how you can go to Mumbai”. If at all it is any argument, then it is a very very conservative argument. It is in line with Shri Ram Sene’s philosophy that pub culture is not Indian culture. But, I think multiplying in population like gutter worms is our Indian culture!!!!!!!

    3. Any relation can fail. Does anybody here have any data to prove that love marriages fail more than arranged marriage? People notice more the cases of love marriage gossips more because it is “LOVE” marriage. Who doesn’t like masaala news?

    Domestic violence, child marriage (even today 10yr old girls are being married to 70yr old men in India), suppresion of women, culture of having women as child-producing machine and feeling happy to see them work like maids … all this has come in this world because of love marriage or arrange marriage??

    4. It is better to opt out of a relationship if one is not happy irrespective of whether it is love or arranged or live-in. People in love/live-in relations are free to take decisions. Men and women in arranged marriage bear this, not enjoy if there is some problem.

    5. In the last, it’s all about finding a right person which can make you life hell or heaven or whatever. And if you think you have found a right person, you should go for it irrespective of parents or whatever. But, keep in mind, you are going for any relationship in any mode, don’t think that you have got the best because best simply doesn’t exist. Be loyal, be caring, be honest.

  25. shafi said

    Very very true.. A successful marriage does not have to be an arranged one always 🙂

  26. vipin said

    Here you said you dont have problem in love marriage but i think love marriage is also not in indian culture…….. AND I AM SURE YOU WILL DELETE THIS POST ALSO…

  27. Ranjeeta said

    With every single post of yours YOU CONFIRM you are going on right PATH. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in having this post here. please don’t delete.

  28. Nidhi said

    Wy’d u delete smthng u wrote nd published?….Smetimes i evn spnd mor thn 1 hr in a single post fr writing cmnt.

  29. Kiran said

    Your readers and those great-great-grandchildren will appreciate your clarity because every single post sounds great. I also appreciate your writing style.

  30. Dr Vishwas Saxena said

    I am impressed by the views given and do readily agree.I extend my heartiest wishes to you to bring your convictions into reality and lead a very successful married life[whenever you enter this phase of life].I have a story suggestion for you to read,may be you have read it earlier also,if read it then remember it ,it is the story titled
    “The Gift Of Maggi”by O’Henry.
    A real life episode of mine I gift you for consolidation,at the birth of my beloved daughter my wife got critically ill and entered a phase called DIC,in which blood doesnt clots and patient utimately dies . When doctors told me that your partner is slipping and you have only 10% chance,and that to is dependent on 50% your effort to ensure continuous transfusion of blood and 50% on the patients urge and will power to live ,and that was more important.I had no timeto cry, I went to my wife who was in a blood pool pale and swollen yet her eyes receptive but in pain, and told her that since I love you and you love me,this earth appears to be a paradise and if you vanish from the scene it would be hell , since earth today is paradise please dont depart and give me time to combat. She clinged me and nodded I will fight! these words energised me I asked doctor about the steps of management of DIC,he said continous supply of blood until it starts clotting, ensure 20 units of blood–! I Rang to my unit& talked my adjutant to connect me to my company— my company Jawans elevated my call by saying 120 jawan Hazir hein sriman! I was messmerised and then began the battle of life and death which ended in the recovery of my on the 16 th day friends–cause I had my first morsal of food on seventeenth day before i collapsed tired by the side of my wife.I thank almighty who respected my love rather our love and I am indepted to my wife poonam who faught a valiant battle to bless me with a pixy worldly bonds call it my daughter.May god be with you and save you from all ordeals which we Faced.A very happy life to come forth
    Dr Vishwas Saxena

  31. vipul said

    MARRIAGE

    IS MARRIAGE A BEGINNING OF NEW LIFE
    OR IS IT A DESTRUCTION OF PAST IN THE HANDS OF WIFE?

    MEN LOSE THE BACHELOR DEGREE AND WOMEN GETS THE MASTER
    MAN BECOME SLOW AND REMAIN NO LONGER FASTER

    FIRST YEAR EVERY THING SEEMS TO GO ALRIGHT
    BUT AFTER THAT WITH EVERY SINGLE TALK THERE IS A FIGHT

    FROM OFFICE COMING LATE NIGHT BACK HOME
    ON THE DINING TABLE, DEAR, YOU ARE ALONE

    WIFE IS SLEEPING KILLING ALL YOUR DREAMS
    ENTIRE MONTHLY PAY SPENT AWAY ON HER CREAMS

    FOUR WALL ROOM SEEMS TO BE A JAIL
    ONCE YOU GET IN, THERE IS NO BAIL

    SLOWLY AND SLOWLY YOU BECOME OLD
    BUT YOUR WIFE REMAINS LADEN WITH GOLD

    AFTER FEW YEARS YOU HEAR A SOUND
    MUNNA IS CRYING TAKE HIM FOR A ROUND

    1,2,3,4 – COUNT BEGINS AND YOU HAVE TEN SONS
    MARRY THEM TO GET FREE ALL THE TENSIONS

    DEAR BACHELOR DECIDE TO GO THIS WAY
    DON’T MARRY, HAVE FUN AND ALWAYS PLAY

  32. Abhishek said

    Hey..I was wondering,whether everyone will get his/her life partner in Indian society,if there is no tradition of arrange marriage. Whether all boys and girls in Indian society are assertive enough to propose his/her lover? Whether there is a guarantee that proposal will be accepted? Thank god! there is a system of arrange marriage,otherwise many people in this country will die bachelor/virgin.

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