Turning the wheel…

…..when the blue water plays with the shore to tell something…..

A sip of feminism!

Posted by Rewa Smriti on April 15, 2008

Well, one must know that what we are here for, what we are not here for, and why we are doing and what we are doing. I hope that you will be able to understand me and the heart of all the varied ladies and gents who write on Feminism.

As I said earlier too that I don’t have much knowledge about “Feminism.” But, if being a strong, capable, intelligent woman means being a feminist, and being an anti-feminist means being a brainless and weak, then I think you can call me a feminist!

Now coming to the topic, yesterday I posted a comment on a blog NARI. To read it click on the main topic “बदलते समय का आह्वान एक माँ की पाती बेटी के नाम” and my comment is quoted below which I wrote there.

Before saying anything on the post I would ask just a quest to all those women, who are commenting here; Do you all have decision making power for yourself? How many of you have taken your own decision while selecting the dear-dear hubby for yourself ? Perhaps none of you or may be one or jyada se jyada two! How many of you take stand and say to your parents, that you will get married without dowry? Who stopped you not to do so? And why we women always need support from others? Don’t you have guts or enough confidence to take your own decision and do things alone? You only pass your statement very easily that women are capable, have will power and shakti then why you are not applying it in practical life. Sirf yeh bolne se nahi hota hai ki NARI- Shakti ki pratik hai, agar hai to use that shakti. Don’t always blame others like ‘husband se support nahi mila’ or ‘papa ne support nahi kiya’ ya fir beta/beti support nahi kar rahe hein. Apne weakness ko chupane ke liye ham kabtak dusre per blame karte rahenge. Hamari sabse badi kamjori hai, we women are still not thinking logically and independently. In maximum cases ek ne kah diya aur dusre uske peeche emotional hokar bhag rahe hein without using our own mind. Dear women, do not let your value goes down by your own deeds. Fight against the odd, wrong system, ghatiya thoughts and make it perfect. More important than this, if you make a mistake or miss something, the fault and responsibilities are your own.

Now coming to the real story, after reading it, we all just showing sympathy and saying “it couldn’t have happened with her.” This statement should free us rather than making us feel we need to push faster, try harder and climb higher. Anyway, but who is responsible for her worst situation? Her own mistake not to take decision boldly for herself in spite of being educated! Ise mazboori ka naam de dete hein aur woh ban jati hai ‘Aurat hone ki mazboori’. We must learn to lead life without dropping a single ball!

kitna dosharopan ka khel kheliyega, ek achha pati, patni, pita or mata, banna to baad ki baat hai usse pahle ek achha insan ban jaye yahi bahut badi baat hai. Agar insan ban gaye to samjho sab sudhar gaya aur her maa ka kokh sarthak ho gaya! Fir to koi gila shiqwa hi nahi hoga.

And this is for both men and women- Instead of working hard today on what is most important and what will make your home a love-filled place for your family, be honest at your heart.”

Last but not the least, I would again say that Feminism teaches us to learn from everyone! Right? 🙂

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Note: Dear readers, you must be thinking why I have posted it here!

Actually Vivek responded to the comments (written on nari blog) on my blog somwhere else in the poem section instead of responding there on Nari blog. My friends also wanted to read this above post on my blog, so I dragged his comment here as per its relevance and put it here.

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70 Responses to “A sip of feminism!”

  1. Vivek said

    hi i am ab inconvinienenti, i am not playing the blame game for sure. i just try to unhide some hidden aspects. for that some ppl will definitely call me politically incorrect,bigoted, even MCP. be it so, as long as my conscience is clear i dont care. all left poltical preachers esp. marxists, faminists, hedonists et al, know nothing about social ecology, wide spactrum of human nature, psychology of gender plays. here i wont say anything about any school of thought except faminism. what i have been reading in some hindi feminist blogs esp chokher bali……… they are 100% inpired by western faminism. which was relevent before late 70’s but no longer anymore. this brand of faminism maintains and believes that, women and men differ only in morphological and social aspects. they are almost similar mentally, and psychologically (maintained society doesnt care about gender). but by mid 90’s we see cutting edge relevatins, in the field of neurology and cognitive sciences. according to which, man evolved from his high testastorone hunting neanderthal forefathers, evolving as less communicative, comparatively introvert, protective, and spatially fine tuned brain wired. while, at the same time women evolved nurturing children, doing premitive farming, gathering fruits in close groups taking and nurturing children. thus they evolved as emotionally expressive, gregerious, nurturing, and as good communicator but with excellent peripheral vision but reduced spatial abilities possibly because of progesterone
    and estrogen levels. back to chokher bali aunts, they know nothing what makes a stodgy man so, or what social under currents made human society petriarcal where roles and importence were equally defined. what makes a man do crime against women. and why young women love tough guys when they know very well he isn’t reliable. faminists put all blame on males, petriarchal conspiracy for all unwanted things and drab issues. I have written indeed a long comment; but it is far from enough. To understand some underground happenings pl read the 5 books I recommand. you’ll know what I am trying to convey. be open minded and read something besides kitsch, pre 1990’s faminist litrature. Pl make final openion on my comment and gender differences only after you have read at least 2 of the 5 books.Then only reply what you think, if you ever reply my comment
    1. The Naked ape——- Desmond Morris
    2. Why men dont listen, and women cant read maps—— Allen and Barbara Pease
    3. Men are from mars, women are from venus——– John Gray
    4. The Human Zoo ———Desmond morris
    5. The female brain———- Louann Brizendine
    Dont say you are too old to learn something new, its never too late to learn new things in life.

    and yes i am a dyslesic, so pl forgive my spelling mistakes and errors in usage.

  2. ab inconvinienenti said

    @vivek
    people who dont have blog should not comment on other peoples blog
    and what relevance this comment has on this poem ??
    for you top teach other people relevance you need to lean it yourself first
    and instead of reading 5 books just understand one person you will understand more in life
    and its equally important not to harass people with our frustrations
    learn more then teach more is more beneficial

  3. Hi Readers+Commentators

    First of all I welcome and respect everybody’s comments/views/suggestions here on my blog. And I don’t feel I am being harassed by anybody’s comments here coz I wish to read the thoughts which is coming out direct from the readers mind.

    Note: As you both have posted your comment on different thread. I think the comment was not relevant to the post of poem so I deleted from there and pasted both comments here.

    One thing, whoever is writing comment here, please don’t use others name, use your own identity.

    rgds.

  4. shubh said

    Only a female knows the real meaning of feminism. Males just speculate about it.

  5. Amit said

    Rewa, your post is marvellous,indeed a genius and beautiful views.

    vivek how much do you know about social ecology,wide spactrum of human nature, faminism?are you talking about the movie Chokher bali?Do you believe only men know everything about feminisim?I don’t think so.Tell me Why is feminism important today?

    Note that no one will harass you until and unless you tend them to harass.

  6. Jitender Singh said

    Simply a great post and the author has shown her views which give the evidence of practicality. Hats off to your efforts Rewa. It is really a quality post which I am sure will give impact to the thinking of people for developing meaningful thoughts…

    Thank you very much for your miraculous effort.

    Regards

    Jitender Singh

  7. vijaya smriti said

    As far as I perceive from the Feminism,it is an idea which advocates for the equal rights of the fair sex in comparison to their male counter part. I dont think that there is anything bad in it and I beleive that extremist have created a wrong picture of Feminism and these people keep on raising unwanted issue.God has given us enough brain to decide that what is wrong and what is right.So please, search feminism on wikipedia and read it and just think .It wont take your much time.I hope that you wont find any point to get irritated from this Idea of Feminism.

  8. mehek said

    i will only say rews that dono ko ek dusaer ki jarurat hoti hai,agree with u that each nari should be independent to tk her own decisions which r good for her,may be she is working or a home-maker.

  9. I believe that male and female are two sides of a coin, but this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t come forward and speak out against wrong thing. If things are going right way then there must be mutual decision and if things are going wrong way then one must take independent decision.

    In spite of having btech, medical degree or any well qualified from well reputed college and working in MNC or any institution, they are giving dowry. When they have been asked for dowry by guys family at that time they never come forward to speak against it, balki unka swagat dowry ke sath karte hein. aur shadi ke baad husband ko sunati hein ki aapne dowry liya tha, tabhi sunakar kya fayda? Inhe kisi ne nahi roka hai balki yeh khud nahi aage aati hein aur dusron per blame karti hein.

    Kuch log shadi ke liye ladkiyon ke samne job chodne jaisi shart rakhte hein, aur na chahte huye bhi girls chodti hein aur ghar mein baithi rahti hein. Kya ye padhai sirf shadi karne ke liye hi karti hein? I am not saying that job is necessary for everybody, but leaving job just to get married that too forcefully is not at all good, then why they don’t speak out at that time?

    Mehek, yes; I agreed dono ek dusre ke purak hein aur sada rahenge, coz for a lovely family both are important and equally responsible. lekin iska matlab yeh to nahi ki galat hote dekh bus chup rahe. New born girl babies are killed by husband and family members or relatives, but most of the women never try to speak out. They just cry sitting at home without speaking anything. jaise mano muhn mein cellotape laga ho. Aur bus yah kahkar khud ko satisfy karti hein ki apne bachchon ke sath aisa nahi hone degi. Then why to put blame on others???

    rgds.

  10. Ek Ajnabi said

    —male and female are two sides of a coin—

    waah bahut khub farmaya hai lekhika ne. It is a good quality post and we should learn many points from it.

    Yes it is more important to take action than to speak about it. The one who is a sufferer must take a stand against the exploiter. There is an old saying “fight for the right”, one needs to bring this proverb into action. Warning: Its a law of nature that only the fittest would survive in the habitat and the rest all will fade away! Now all it depends upon us for whether we want to work hard to make ourselves the fittest or we should give up and compromise to suffer ?

    Ek Ajnabi

  11. Nidhi said

    vivek, r u ok? ur cmnt shows u hav enugh knowledge abt feminism.i havn’t watched the movie chokher bali. u r talking abt 90s women bt why don’t you talk abt men’s thinking, write abt them too.
    As u said “women know nothing.” I can answer u saying,yes we women don’t know anything.No qualifiers.No words need to prove ourselves.you men know evrything nd the beautiful world also running by you.hey guys can you do all works by urself?if not,why should it be shameful to admit that u can’t do it at all?

    ‘faminists put all blame on males, petriarchal conspiracy for all unwanted things and drab issues. I have written indeed a long comment; but it is far from enough.’
    After reading ur cmnt anybody can feel who is throwing the blame ball.nd when a ball gets crushed den try to defend it as you r doing.bt try nt to hit the ball blindly.

    cooooollllll. 🙂

    ye five books likha kisne hai isper bhe gor karo.

  12. vijaya smriti said

    Hi Rewa didi,
    sabse pehale to dowry ke baare me bolungi ki dowry ke liye ladkiy walae bhi utane hi jimmedar hain jitane ladke waale.kuchh kadam uthaye ja sakte hain dowry ko khtm karne ke liye.maslan aap apani ladki ke baraber hi category ka ladka dhoondhiye.hamari male dominated society hamesha ye expect kerati hai ki ladka , ladki se thoda qualified ho.aur ladka jyada qualified hoga to dahej lega hi.agar ladaki ke barabar qualification wala ladka dhoondhiye to itana dahej na laega ya shayad dahej hi na lage.ab ladka jyada qualified ho to ladkiyan aise hi ladkon se dab ker rehati hain aur use saare decision ladke ke phayade ko dhyan me rekhekr hi lena parta hai.ab agar ladka 40 kamata hai aur ladki 20 aur dono alag alag jagahon per hon to ladki ko hi job chhodna hoga.
    doosra upay hai, inter-caste marriage ko badawa dekar.kabhi kahbi aisa dekha gaya hai ki kisi khaas community me ladke ki sankhya kam hone se shaadi me dahej liya jata hai.hum apne caste aur community ke daayre se baaher nikalker dahej pratha ko hatotsahit ker sakte hain.
    jehan ladakiyon ke chup rehane ki baat hai to hamare society ladaki ko shuruat se hi aisa mahole deti hai ki ladki ko ye ehsaas ho jata hai ki wo khud akeli kuchh ker hi nahi sakati.agar unke dimaag bach pan se hi ye dala jaaye ki wo koi kaam ker sakati hain, unhe swawlambi hone ki siksha di jaaye to wo her field me independenlty decision le sakengi.lekin bahut kam gharon me hota.kabhi kahbi maa baap pyaar se apanio beti ke prati intane protective ho jaate hain ki wo ek problme ho jaati hai.jaise ki ladki ko kahin akele nahi jaane dena, unak ghar ke baaher ka jyada kaam khud hi ker dena.aise me ladaki ko ye ehsaas hota hai ki wo ye kaam nahi ker sakti hain.isaliye unhe shuruat se hi swawlambi banane ka awsar dena chahiye.

    sorry, maine kuchh jyada hi lamba likh diya 🙂

  13. shubh said

    I do not entirely agree with Vijaya Smriti. If parents are protective about girls, then it’s for girls benefit. Parents always want good for their daughter. There are reason why your dad forbid you to roam alone at midnight on a seashore.

    Secondly, I believe if you are not a social reformer then better concentrate on your work. You just try to do good. Rest will follow automatically. You just become good. That’s it. The moment you start pointing he is doing good or bad that’s where the problem comes. If everybody is just doing his task we will heave peace. It doesn’t matter if some people are doing bad for whatsoever stupid reason. Ultimately, he will also start doing good.

    If someone is bad, let it be. Let him be bad. You do your good work irrespective of what others are doing. A day will come when he/she will stop being bad. That time he/she would not have any choice. You cannot turn a bad person into a good person making rules and regulations. No possibility. By that you can only suppress the evil but it will again come in any other form.

    So you just be good irrespective of all the evils present.

  14. Nidhi said

    wen i was in college there was lots of talk about feminism.once i ws talking wid few frnds.one of dem talked abt her dreams, she wanted to be a perfect wife,a perfect mom.sabhi kah rahe the tumsabko ye hi kaam karna hai or majaak ura rahe the.I was fighting with them bcos dey were laughing at her. if a woman stays at home doesn’t mean she is uneducated bt People always make fun of homemakers.yaha bare smajhdar log v homemaker ka mjaak urate hain.insabko ladkiyon ke job karne se problem nahi karo too problem.

  15. सौ फीसदी सहमत हूँ रेवा की उन बातो से जो उन्होंने पोस्ट पर लिखी है ,वैसे भी घर के भीतर हो रहे अन्याय के खिलाफ लड़ना मुश्किल है बनिस्बत बाहर के ……

    “फ़रिश्ते से बेहतर है इन्सान होना
    मगर उसमे लगती है मेहनत ज्यादा”

  16. sambhavna saxena said

    i have just one simple question on this post how many among you who are still not maaried , will they remain unmarried if they do not find grooms without dowry . also what is the concept of dowry by your mind ?
    is it a demand made by the grooms family then its dowry
    or is it dowry even if the demand is not by grooms family
    i would be obliged is rewa could enlighten me or if others could also give some remarks to my question s

  17. vijaya smriti said

    Hi Shubh,

    I think that you did not get my point.It is my own experience.I am not a type of girl who will ask the permission from the parent to roam around the sea shore but my point is that, one should make their children self-dependent.I dont know how much you love your parents but i can bet that nobody loves his/her parent more than I do and I respect them also.But what i had written in my earlier post is based entirely on my own experience.I dont advocate to give the permission to your children to roam aroud the sea shore in the midnight or doing something wrong.They are our parent and it their duty to forbid us to do something wrong.But do you think that collect your certificate from your school or college is wrong?or do your thing that doing other hosuehold works, withdrawing money from the bank,getting rail reservation done by you,checking your mail or your result on the net or buying some stuffs from the market is wrong?you cannot compare these tasks if roaming around the sea shore in the midninght.I think children, whether girl or boy, should be allowed to complete their task themselves.It will grow a habit of being self dependent in them. Once you are grown, this chilhood habit of self dependent helps to a great extent in taking indepent but right decision whihc is called your confidence.If your parents are over protected and take a very good care of all your tasks, you will become dependent on others even for small things which means that you will lack your confidence.
    and due to this lack of confidence only that we see that one of the two girl(both are graduate), find it interesting to travel alone to the foreign country on given a chance but the other girls, who is always cared and protected would never go alone on getting a chance for the foreign trip from the office.
    And at last, never forget..sona tapker hi kundan banta hai.Jitna jyada duniya ko face keroge, duniya me utani acche tereh rehana aur logon se deal kerna seekhoge.Nahi to bas kagaj ki gudiya ban ker reh jaaoge.baarish hogi aur galker gayab!!!

  18. vijaya smriti said

    Shubh,
    this is with regards to your seconds:
    You told me that I am not a social reformer.I dont think so.Even if you are reforming something on the personal level, I beleive it is a part of Social reform only.That is my definition of socail reformer.What’s your definition?
    And as a good citizen, I have suggested few points to eliminate the dowry from our social system.Of course it depends entirely on someone’s will, whether they find it suitable for them or they find it rubbish.How can I force someone to do something according to my wish??But as a responsible citizen, it is my duty to differentiate between the right and wrong and ask someone if he/she is doing something wrong.Even if a people,who is elder then and i fell that he/she is doing something, I would tell them not to do so.I dont see anything wrong in it.comeon we are not an statue that even if something wrong is happeing, just watch it with your mouth shut.anyway, it is my thinking, you are free to follow your thoughts.

  19. Jitender Singh said

    Gr8 aap jo bhi ho itna to zaruur hai ki bahut ache ho … whole of the post is very real and meaningful and these lines touched my heart …

    “And at last, never forget..sona tapker hi kundan banta hai.Jitna jyada duniya ko face keroge, duniya me utani acche tereh rehana aur logon se deal kerna seekhoge.Nahi to bas kagaj ki gudiya ban ker reh jaaoge.baarish hogi aur galker gayab!!!”

    Hats off to your effort for putting your views here …

    Regards

    Jitender Signh

  20. Tanu Shree said

    @ Dear Sambhavna,
    Because u asked here that ..”What does Dowry mean?” I wu d just say wat is my view on this part….. I feel dowry means
    1. the cash or material that is being demanded by the grooms side
    2. the cash or (Costly) material which is unnecessarily being provided by bride’s side!!

    This is a fact that all parents want to give all sorts of comforts to their daughter ..so giving necessary things is not a big deal… but yeah Gift ke naam par kuch parent aisi cheezen bhi de dete hai jo thoda atpata lagta hai… For me it is also a dowry….

    N for me mai bina dowry ke hi shadi karungi…. koi bhi shart ho… kyuki yahi hai meri soch … n agar mere wud be ki soch hi mujhse nahi milegi to mai usse shadi kaise kar lungi…. I knw kai log ye kahenge ki kehna asaan hai…bt its the fact …n thats all I can say!!!

    Regards!!

  21. Jitender Singh said

    “N for me mai bina dowry ke hi shadi karungi…. koi bhi shart ho… kyuki yahi hai meri soch … n agar mere wud be ki soch hi mujhse nahi milegi to mai usse shadi kaise kar lungi…. I knw kai log ye kahenge ki kehna asaan hai…bt its the fact …n thats all I can say!!!”

    Bahut acha laga humen jo aapne sabke saamne stand le kar bola hai……aise log humne bahut kamm dekhe hain aur humen na jane kyon aapki baaton mein damm lagta hai. hum jaante hain ki aapne jo bhi bola hai wo aapke dil ki awaaz hai isliye hum to yahi kahenge ki baaki ladkion ko bhi aapse shiksha leni chahiye

    Thanks a lot for sharing your inner voice with us…wish you a happy journey of life.

    Aapki baaton ka asar mujh jaise MALES pe bhi pad gaya hai…ab main bhi ye kehta huun main aisi ladki se shaadi nehi karunga jiske parents use dowry denge (as per your definition of dowry)…. n finally a very deep point ::n agar mere wud be ki soch hi mujhse nahi milegi to mai usse shadi kaise kar lungi…:: this line has a very big meaning and it applies Universely…..soch nehi milegi to shaadi kabhi nehi ho sakti …

    regards
    Jitender Singh

  22. Nidhi said

    Shambhavna it is not that simple question 🙂
    for me the money demanded by the grooms side is called dowry nd the gifts presented by the bride side to the groom r also called dowry.
    all you know dowry is a big evil in the society nd the question is why dowry is called an evil if it is nothing but just gifts? shambhavna u r talking about dowry so wats ur opinion on dis?

    All parents wish to see their daughters married,so I desire to marry widout dowry.

  23. vijaya smriti said

    I searched in the wikipedia and according to that, all the gifts and goods presented by the bride’s side is called dowry.But yes, it is a difficult question because perceive something bad after hearing/listening/reading this word “Dowry”.As far as bride’s parent are not compelled to give something, i dont consider it bad.If you look into the Wikipedia, dowry is also considered as a mean to show that the bride is not a responsibility to her husband only, but parent also share the responsibility.But as far as giving unneccessary gift is considered,I agree with Tanu because it starts a bad tradition in our society.people starts demanding for that stuff.
    And as far as dowryless marriage is concerned, it is definitely difficult to get married without dowry but trust me, its not impossible.My brother was married recently without dowry(here the term means the cash,demanded by groom’s side) and one of my uncle also.
    Obviously, I am also looking forward to get maried without dowry.

  24. sambhavna saxena said

    for everyone cash demanded by grooms side or given by girls side is dowry
    so what is kanyaadan , i am asking you girls just ask your parents will they do your kanyaadan at the time of maariage , if yaes then why .
    any daan is a donation . people donate what they like the best so girls are donated by parents { kanyaadan } at the time of marriage to get moksh{ a place in heavan } , what wil you girls do when you will be donated , will you still get married or will you rise up and say no this is a wrong practice

    and all reader who happen to be man here
    daan or donation is either given to a beggar or brahmin
    now any man who aacpets this is a beggar
    so girls will you like to marry a beggar

    let me have a free and frank opinion

  25. Nidhi said

    kanyadan is a custom in hindu religion that does not mean dowry. it wdnt consider in the category of dowry coz we r nt money nd materials to be used aft marriage so in my opinion u cannt say man who accepts this is a beggar.

  26. Hi Shambhavna,

    I don’t know how much you all will trust my words but it’s pre decided with full determination that I would not get married giving dowry. And this decision I took when I just completed my +2. For this decision I am getting full support from my parents,best friend Ruchi,brothers nd sisters.

    Shambhavna, if I express some thoughts, it means I must be trying to follow them, otherwise there is no use of wirting such thoughts here and also there is no value of words. I personally feel one must understand the value of words, otherwise there is no meaning of writing such long posts and fundamental thoughts.

    As I think “to give, take, demand or accept” all exchanging systems are counted in dowry. Also there is no limitation of gifts. For dowry both (men and women sides) are responsible. The only way we can understand dowry is if we start to think with it’s ‘objectivity’—that it is not to give, nor to take, and neither to accept but that it is.

    Remember one thing Indian mother-in-laws put kerosene on bahu and burn her, and the stupid husband proudly helps his mother in doing so, with the 100% support of sister/brother.(in-laws)

    Anyway, I must tell you that dowry is not only an evil in our society, there are many more such evils which are making day by day our society worst. Before killing these evils, we need to kill our great evil, i.e. our attitude plus the way of thinking. These all facts are denying to talk about the equality between man and woman! What do you say?

    rgds.

  27. vijaya smriti said

    I think sambhavana is contradicting his/her own point.In the first sentence she/he says that the cash demanded by grooms side or given by girls side is dowry.and in the next sentence he calls girl as dowry given by girl parents. Excuse us….we are girls; human beings, neither cash nor any other materials.

    I dont give this tradition of kanyadaan much importance but i dont think that its a wrong practise because this is not the only practise in the wedding.And you cannot compare the kanyadaan with other donation.Because if we donate something to someone, then it is the receiver’s wish to do what he likes to do with this donation.But in the marriage the boy accept the kanyadaan then he also takes oath at the same time to stay together in better or worse.To accept kanyadaan is not like accepting any other donation because accepting Kanyadaan is accepting a big responsibility.So you cannot call them beggar because beggar accepts only donation, no responsibility is bound with those donation.

  28. Well, before concluding any thing one must make it clear that whatever we are saying is well justified or not? “Kanyadan” is a hindu custom and it is not at all harmful for society as a daan. Of course we can not ignore everything or change such things immediately but see people are making court marriages too. In such cases no body is making Kanyadan, does it mean no marriage then? What I want to say is that Kanydan is a custom not a concept so it will never affect the social life.

    However “Dowry” is a very big concept in which many human selfish causes are inherent. We can’t say all men are beggars! In actual practice beggars are those who ask for dowry and accept dowry. I think whatever parents give their daughter with their own will is also dowry if it conveys a wrong message to set in as a trend.

  29. Tanu Shree said

    Dear Sambhavna,

    I really couldn’t get ur point ….. Are u against marriage or something? Kanyadaan to ek tradition hai… Jise hum Hindus follow karte hai shaadi ke time… We are the girls of this era hum apni marzi se shadi karte hai… koi pressure me aa kar nahi .

    Apni baat kahu to mai believe karti hu Shaadi me aur kanyadaan me bhi… kyuki purane zamane me ise ek daan kaha jata tha isliye aaj bhi ise follow kiya jata hai aur iska naam bhi nahi badla gaya… We know it, that we (girls) are not being donated to a beggar, inspite We are willingly getting married to a guy whom we, ourself hav chosen … So I think Saying them a beggar is completely wrong side of view ….Hope you r getting my point now Sambhavna n please dont take me otherwise…

    Regards!!

  30. sambhavna saxena said

    @vijaya smriti
    i am not saying its qed its what everyone has said so i hv deduced and summerized views given by readers in response to my question on dowry on this blog
    and you really need to brush up on your fundas on kanyaadan , ask few elders and they will tell you why daan is done and also see wikki if it helps you . you need more education in traditions followed bu indians which in fact are nothing but glamarization of rigidity . when kanyaa daan is done the parents of girl will not only give girls hand to the boy they will HAVE to keep some gift over it mostly gold . and this is where the dowry actually started . i am donating my daughter to u , keep hae and i am also giving you money for her keeping .
    @rewa
    if you think dowry is bad then kanyaa daan is even worst because here woman are being donated { daan } so that the parents can find a place in heaven . ask your parents and if i am wrong then put in a comment here
    @tanu
    when ever a girl is donated she is being treated as a thing or a animal and she is being donated so that parents can find a place in heaven

    to all
    in hindu custom girls are never at paar with boys and that is why parents never want their cremation to be done by girls
    girls are “things ” parents can donate
    in hindu custom donation is given to a needy person , a begger or a brahmin

    and all those who dont feel there is any hting wrong in kanyadaan should not feel there is any thing wrong in dowry

    what you call as tradition i call as rigidity

  31. Surabhi said

    Hey All..

    The idea of ‘dowry’ is to offer some gifts to your daughter and not to the in-laws. This custom of gifting something to your duaghter (just the way Hindus gift or give smthng to every gal in their relations who visits their house while she leaves, later took the shape of ostentation and eventually emerged as a compulsion or obligation.

    But still, not every one considers dowry as an obligation. People still take it as a wishful act. For eg. though handful but I can give examples of marriages and especially arranged marriages that didnt entertain any form of dowry.

    About kanyadaan – kanyadaan is far different than dowry. It dates back to the time that started the practice of ‘girls leaving their home to move to their husband’s house’. Just the way Christian, Muslim, Sikh, Jewish brides go to their husbands house.. Hindu brides do so too. But we Hindus do it slightly differently by letting the parents give persmission to their duaghter to go to her in-laws house. Its no different than parents giving blessings to the same daughter when she leaves the house to join a job in a far off city.

    Thanks
    Surabhi

  32. Shubh said

    It’s all boils down to money.

    There are two things. Dowry and marriage. Right? Which is more important? In my view Marriage is more imporantant than dowry. When dowry started it was started for a purpose. The purpose was to give enoug money to girl so that her life remains peaceful. That was the purpose. But unfortunately, the purpose could not execute well. It turned into greedyness from groom side. In earlier days money were not spent on girl’s education. Only boys used to study mostly. And after girl’s marriage all the property goes to boys. Thats one reason why some money were used to give to girls.

    Dowry is more prevelant among poors. Because poor don’t have money. So they try to make it by any means. Poor always has problems. Be it dowry or water or anything else. You wont find dowry in rich societies. Now a days parents are spending money over girl’s education. So, there is absolutely no question of dowry in the marriage of an educated-earning girl. However, when an uneducated poor village girl wish to marry CEO of a company then dowry will come. If dowry can fetch good earning boys to a village girl why not to use dowry? Let me ask other way round. How many of you (assuming educated and earning) wish to marry a boy who is earnig half or quarter of what you are earning(assuming he meets your other criteria)? Will you marry a good looking, good natured, hardworking rikshawpuller? You would probably wont marry a guy who is earning even eual to you. I never saw a marriage in which girl is earning more than the boy. Secondly, why should only girls leave the home and not the boys? So where is the concept of equanamity here?

    Dowry is absent in the rich society. When you would become rich and afflutent you wont think about dowry. If dowry can fetch you a better boy and you afford dowry then go for it. It’s better to marry a superior boy by giving dowry (provided you afford it) rather to marry an inferior boy or not to marry.

    There are more bigger problems in the society than dowry. Dowry is not the root problem. Root problem is poverty, illetracy and population.

  33. sambhavna saxena said

    kanyaadaan is not a blessing all u gals need to understand and try to go into dept of this retrogrssive tradition where woman is treated below the man and so the parents of woman has a right to donate her
    any self respecting individual should not allow her self to be donated and neither should the man accept this donation

  34. Nidhi said

    there is no monetary transaction so Kanyadaan is not a part of dahej. karn danveer tha to yah nahi kaha ja sakta wo daan dahej tha.
    shambhavna dnt mind bt u need to gain some knowledge to understand de meaning of daan nd dowry,so pls ask ur parents abt dis.
    no point of “Debate” of wat is wrong wid dis tradition. or form a new shloka in which both the bride nd the groom have an equal say.

  35. Jitender Singh said

    Kanyadan is not an evil n dowry is an Evil ( Because all peopel like Kanyadan but many people do not like Dowry!)— we are talking about to get rid of the evil not the tradition which in no sense affects the social life! I think this direction is enough for wise people.

    rgds

    Jitender Singh

  36. sambhavna saxena said

    i am more than 50 years of age and have been involved with various woman oraganisations who are all in favor of removing kanyaadan as a ritual . so dear nidhi my funda are very clear
    why i am wirng on this blog is that many yong girls dont even know why they folow a custom . whether its dowry or kanyaadan if you dont know the reason why it was started and where it has lead us to .
    woman are not treated equal to man , that is why they are donated , they are given away . parent feel woman is burden and man is a asset
    so they donate woman
    in hindu mythology this was done so that parents can get a place in heaven or moksh
    dowry is still a lesser evil because only materialistc gifts are exchanged
    where as in kanyaadan the woman is treated a commodity

  37. Jitender Singh said

    For the moment if it is assumed that the “Kanyadan” has to be removed than which other option to look for? BETA daan which would place us in same trouble or No daan of male or female that would mean no-marriage at all ?

    Please decide…..

    regds

    Jitender Singh

  38. vijaya smriti said

    @sambhavna,

    I am surprised to know that you are 50 years old and still you talk like this!!Most indian follows patriachary system.So obviously,its the girl who has to leave her parents place and we dont see any problme in following this system.People do,what suit them best.Go to Assam or in some parts of Meghalaya, it is boys family who has to search for a girl and it is boy,not the girl who shifts to his in-laws house.They didn’t feel like changing this system,because they are comfortable with this.
    As far as kanyadaan is concerned,I am agreed with your this point that people believe that kanyadaan would help them to get the moksha.Now our views differ here.Yiou think that girl is treated as a thing or material.But I think that it add some more importance to us.If you do a Kanydaan,then only you will get moksha.Boys are not considered worth this.If you do a Balakdaan, you wont get anything in return.So the girl is given more importancde here.
    About following the tradition, I would like to say that it is ok to follow them,as long as it does not hurt anyone’s feeling and does not create any problem.If you have problem ,then better dont follwo this tradition but dont try to compel anyone to do the same as you think because in reality, its not going to make any difference in girls situation whether you follow this or not.

  39. Nidhi said

    shambhavnaji

    I dont see any harm in kanyadan.
    that doesn’t sound very logical to me.equality doesnt mean to fight against of everything which is no harmful in society.agar har chij ko apke nazar sey dekha jae to ek bachcha father ke womb sey janm le or dusra bachcha mother ke womb sey 😛

  40. sambhavna saxena said

    @Nidhi
    yes for 90% of you woman liberation is a matter of smilies a joke . you want liberation you want freedom you want equality but we are born equals . fighting against a rigid system is not easy and against a custom that is useless crap is also not easy so like many others you will also toe the line once you get maaried
    @vijaya smriti
    where have i written any thing that has been offensivc to you quote one single line . that i am fifity and willing to intereact with a younger lot without critising by exchange of view point make my intention clear and dignified on the contrary you by putting exclamaion marks are tryiing to be smug with your knowledge that girls are important so they are donated and boys are worthless so theyare not donated . be smug with this knowledge and follow the corrupt practice and keep feeling in yourn own self oh how important i am where the society keeps treating all the woman as second grade citizen
    in reality woman accept what ever comes there way because they dont want to struggle and acheive something and for that they are even prepared to be dontaed

  41. Nidhi said

    I didn’t mean to offend u.Im nt convinced wid ur views.wat to do?
    tell me wat is ur conclusion.

  42. sambhavna saxena said

    u will be convinced only if see the RATIONALE nidhi

  43. vijaya smriti said

    My intention was not to hurt you by any means sambhavnaji.Of course you are much elder and more experienced than us.But I could not understand that why to create a such a fuss on a matter,which is not creating any problem or disturbing anyone.And everybody is free to do what he/she thinks is better.SO if it does hurt your feeling,dont follow it.If you want ot follow ,then follow.

  44. Tanu Shree said

    @ Dear Sambhavna ji

    “….be smug with this knowledge and follow the corrupt practice and keep feeling in yourn own self oh how important i am where the society keeps treating all the woman as second grade citizen..”

    Well Sambhavna ji … We people are thinking that Kanyadaan is a holy thing and we gals shud be proud that by following it our parents will get moksha… What is the problem in thinking that way? why go other side which is so very full of negative thoughts? Why feel sorry fr ourselves ..Who is going to get benefit from that?

    Following ur thought will just lead us to stop Marriages …and wat are we going to gain then??

    Aur sabse badi baat ,… this thing n this tradition is not harming anybody in the society … the main topic was Dowry..which is constantly spreading over n gulping up the peace !!

    I totally agree wid Nidhi’s ,Vijiya Di’s & amp; Jitender ji’s point ; There are various Things n Points which are affecting us daily somehow … I think it will be better to change n diminish such evils then looking n fighting for such lil n aimless things !!

    Regards!!

  45. sambhavna saxena said

    this thing n this tradition is not harming anybody in the society

    thanks for your paricipation tanushree but i think you still need to learn to differntiate between tradition and a bad tradition
    without any malice or insult i would request you all young girls to someday have an open discussion on kanyadan with your parents ask them why they need to touch the grooms feet and your feet also after doing the kanyaadan . its to ask for forgiveness from your soul because they are donating you for a selfish cause of theirs for getting a place in heaven
    bye and see you some times

  46. Since this discussion is going so long and seeing participation of so many persons who are very experienced as well freshers i would like to comment here.
    Main topic of discussions are :

    KANYADAN and Dowry

    . I dont have much experience and knowledge about customs but i would like to say that shambhavna ji is very true.I don’t know motive behind this term called “Kanyadan” but the way u describe seems to be true n objectionable.but the term selfish used for parents is very harsh. In this damn world full of materialistic/moral/sentimental/emotional selfishness only a relation of father and mother to their son/daughter is something which cant’ be termed selfishness.
    . A lot of systems/customs/beliefs are there with partiality between a boy and a girl at family level to society level and i am always sympathetic to this gender called “FEMALE”.Even GOD has been partial to this gender.They are made so lean and thin, Biologically complex, physically weaker than male which hurts me a lot.No doubt they are the “Mother of this universe” and creater of this world and known as “MAA”. but the agony that they go through in their entire life as they feel and bear it silently is somthing that sadness me.Their liberty is coming in the society but they have miles to go before having equality with Males.I love my MOM on top of this world and have seen life of a lady very closely.

    They are never treated par with the boys when they are kid till they are on dieing stage.Individual attention may vary for girls in many family but major percentage is still treated the way they have been since ages.
    .
    Lots of thing to share but i would like to stop here.

    नारी ने जन्म दिया नर को
    नर ने उसे बाज़ार दिया
    जब चाहा कुचला और मसला
    जब चाहा दुत्कार दिया
    [please note : these lines are not to offend MEN community]

    kudos to Sambhavanaji 🙂

  47. vijaya smriti said

    Dear Sambhavanaji,
    First of all,we dont follow this ritual of touching brides and grooms feet after performing kanyadaan.Either parents or the eldest in the family performs this kanyadaan.They hold the girls hand in the boys hand and having a littel bit of water they recite some mantra.that is the way they perform kanydaan.You are right that mostly the gold is given while performing kanyadaan(in my tradition) but again,it is not a compulsion.you can give one rupess coin also.If you can not even afford a coin, you can simply do it with water only.but yes, after the marriage is over, the boy and girl both, touch the feet of all the elder persons in the family to get ashirvad for a happy married life 🙂

  48. shubh said

    Dear Sambhavna Ji,

    I see a point in what you are saying. I also heard that “Kanyadaan” brings many virtue and is quantitaviey more than donating thousands of cows sum together. But, I am not aware that “Kanyadaan” can give salvation. This is total nonsense. No donation can impart salvation. Where is it written that “Kanyadaan” gives salvation? Can you please quote the exact verse which says “Kanyadaan” gives salvation? All these things are propaganda made by stupid Brahmins to meet their demand of survival.

    Rituals and social customs are disappearing day by day. It will disappear more in the coming future. Time will eat them up all. But as long as it’s not harming, its ok to follow them.

    The reason behind touching the feet is that groom and bride is the most respected personality on the day of marriage. That’s why they touch their feet. It’s not always mandatory to touch the feet who are older. In a group of people whosoever is the most important his/her feet will be touched irrespective of his/her age. Even in sacred thread ceremony aka Upnayan among Brahmins you would find many married women touching the feet of 7-8 year old boy. There are many other examples.

    Salvation has nothing to do with Kanyadaan or any dan.

    Not to mention that I have no intention to hurt you. I see your point and respect also. If scripture says that then scripture has to be changed.

  49. vijaya smriti said

    I do agree with shubh’s point.

  50. sambhavna saxena said

    Salvation has nothing to do with Kanyadaan or any dan.
    you need to read more and learn more that is what i can say
    and i will not be putting in any quote because if you feel i am wrong and if there is a desire in you to find the truth do it on your own . by quoting we only justify our truth and experience with someone elses writng and i dont do that
    BUT KANYAADAAN IS ONLY DONE SO THAT PARENTS GET SALVATION YOU BELEIVE IT FINE YOU DONT STILL FINE

    Not to mention that I have no intention to hurt you. I see your point and respect also. If scripture says that then scripture has to be changed.

    EXACTLY THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS RITUAL HAS TO BE CHANGED AND BOTH MAN AND WOMAN CAN DO IT , WOMAN REFUSING TO BE DONATED AND MAN REFUSING TO BECOME A RECEIPIENT OF THE DONATION
    only a needy or begger gets a donation and we donate or give something because we want something
    so parents donate daughters to get salvation

  51. sambhavna saxena said

    Arun Bharti
    parents or for that matter any one who uses some one to get something is selfish

  52. shubh said

    Respected Sambhavna Ji,

    You are a man or a woman?

    Salvation is not a business that you give soemthing and you attain salvation. You are treating salvation as if it’s a grocery. Salvation is the purest phenomena. Who has achieve salvation by doing Kanyadaan? Name me a single person in the history. Buddha achieved salvation by meditation. He didn’t even has a daughter. Lol. My fahter did Kanyadaan and so far he has not achieved any salvation? According to you when will he achieve? I already said these are propaganda created by Brahmins that time. Brahmins were intellectuals who were able to trick innocent mass like you are. When a girl leaves her home they weep for sometime but after that it’s all good, in general. That’s the only negative point I see about Kanyadaan.

    So, I/we request you to drop this mindset that Kanydaan brings Salvation. Basically, it appears as a joke. If Kanyadaan would had caused salvation then condition of women in India had been much-much-much better. May be better than men. Then, women would had been worshipped. I wish if it were true but, unfortunately it’s not. Condition of women itself shows that Kanyadaan doesn’t bring salvation.

    However, if your are sentimentally and emotionally attached to Kanyadaan and thinks that it brings salvation. Then, I apologies. Anything can be true in an emotional world. Emotion knows no logic.

    Shubh

  53. Tanu Shree said

    🙂 😛 …. Suno jiyo khush raho …kya pata Kal ho na ho….. 😛

    Lots of luv

    Regards!!

  54. Nidhi said

    EXACTLY THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS RITUAL HAS TO BE CHANGED AND BOTH MAN AND WOMAN CAN DO IT , WOMAN REFUSING TO BE DONATED AND MAN REFUSING TO BECOME A RECEIPIENT OF THE DONATION

    shambhavnaji, i believe i mentioned same thing earlier.
    no point of “Debate” of wat is wrong wid dis tradition. or form a new shloka in which both the bride nd the groom have an equal say.

  55. @ Sambhavna ji
    Every relation is based on demand and fulfillment.Then i must say
    every son and daughter is millions of times selfish than his/her parents.Do you remember those moments when they made you walk,grow,and finally you come to a point where you are saying them selfish..??? i guess this is irony of this bulk of information that this damn world gives you.you could have never said unless you are brought up till this stage by your parents.Could you return those moments back to them..not all just a fraction of what they have given to you in you upbringing..i guess you will have to take many births for that.You can’t do it unless you become their parents by some holy miracle.

    You know the supreme power called “GOD” because of them and their devotion to you.But are a educated daughter who has bulk of information. I am sorry to say that its a matter of time for you to realize that.Blessed are those who coined this term called” selfishness” but evil blessed are those who use it in wrong way.

    Regards

  56. mamta said

    Dear all,
    bahut lambe lambe vichar mare ja rahe hi is faltoo(only in my view) topic pe……anyway its gud even i wanted to say somthing….

    First for my didu…..

    Dear rewa di,

    every one is talking abt feminism….gud…even i m a female and i m proud to be n for this i dont have to proof it by saying my dad i wanted to marry this guy….or sabke bich khde hoke oth lene ki tht m bina dahej ke shadi karungi….

    atleast mujhe jaroorat nahi ye sab karne ki…..

    real female yad dilau aap logo ko….

    yad hi meri mummy ya apki mummy badeeee se ghunghat ke andar..mujhe yad hi ek din 50 logo ka khana banane wali meri mom…dad ke bad kahana kahne wali hamari mom..sirf wahi cook karna jo bachoo ko pasnad hi…

    ye sab karne se na hi hamari mummy choti ho gayi na hi hum ho jayenge….
    i mean aap sab kis bat ki shikayat kar rahe hi…mujhe nhi samjh me aa raha….

    real female is who knows wht shhe want….
    mujhe to apni jindgi ya kisi bhi female se koi shikayat nahi…..

    at the end of the day if i keep everyone happy weather its my friends,my mom,dad ,husband, kids.
    aur ha in sab ko khush rakhne ke bad apko apne aap se koi shikayat nahi honi chahiye ki u r not giving ur time to urself….tht is wht a female is….

  57. manishikha said

    Hai everyone here..thanks rewa di for such root topic to think over here……n thanks to all of u for giving ur precious time for for amore precious thing than just living…and that where starts searching out the meaning of your existance,the way u r going or d way u r planing to follow or d core part u r carring wid urself from d infinity.defintly v r blessed to get our part of life n more our part of feminism…..yeah here u need to analise d point and space reference of ur position in tis universe.its true tat a single point can’t able to change d existance but its also tat much true that d whole exisistance story inherites some where from tat elementry point.its d basic fact tat every one has given his part of boundry to exist in tis world and d primary duty u have to hav the energy to complete d rotation in d kernal shell n eceeding d limit only u can move to d next level.many more factors around you r tyr to retrict u to go 2 d next energy level.so tis is not the atomic structure ..bt real life. we hav to in d system to maintain our self n for tis we need force.
    I dono y there is a contradiction is beging feminism is to support female to d extent where they can be independent nor indulgent. And at d end of day you just want the happiness of someone related to u directly or..not so much.
    but feminism is a nonlinear system where output is not directly proportional to inout.and output is always a gain and internal feedback system is there for controling.
    to be at personal level i dont hav d guts to judge d system,which defines my existance.I dono how much I survive more in all opposing situations but still i hav to realise myself …far better at d feminise end…….to d part of world no fear of failure,no regrates for disabilites,no expecations just abounded home of love n caring,sharing,bearing hardness still producing the sweetness,cheers,smiles,live n live…thy name is feminism.

    …………

  58. Tanu Shree said

    Lovely thoghts Arun ji, Mamta & Manishikha..I completely agree with u all …. Feminism means to live life fully , whether being a Home maker or a Professional; its just that you have enjoyed Life (The most precious thing ) … If u feel u r happy then you r a Feminist …. Having every materialistic thing around and not having the balance n satisfaction with in you means u r just running behind happiness which is Hidden some where in you itself… So being a Feminist means to me : Live life to the full extent …no barriors… A Flat world… And above all njoy the womenhood ,Be proud of that !!! Touch ur skies….

    Regards!!

  59. Tanu Shree said

    खुद को पहचान

    नारी कितने रूप तेरे !
    एक अस्तित्व है, एक जान है ;
    एक आत्मा है, पहचान है;
    एक ज्वाला है , एक अग्नि है ,
    तू अब खुद को पहचान ले |

    क्यों है यहाँ बेबस पड़ी ?
    उठ बेडियों को तोड़ दे ;
    नज़रें मिला इस दुनिया से ;
    खुल के ज़रा तू सांस ले |

    है जननी तू ,तू पूज्य है ;
    है सबला तू ,फिर क्यों डरे?
    संहार कर इस चुप्पी का ;
    हर बाधा को आवाज़ दे …

    तू निडर हो बस आगे बढ़ ;
    काटों को अब तू पार कर ;
    लहू में रंगे इन पैरों से
    तू दौड़ चल अपनी डगर |

    तेरे कदमो के निशां से ही
    नए रास्ते फिर बनेंगे …
    फिर इन अपाहिज बंधनों को
    तोड़ कोई बाहर आएगा …

    Regards!!

    -Tanu

  60. Ek Ajnabi said

    Quite a hot topic and discussion is going on. Great effort by the author and the viewers.
    नारी कितने रूप तेरे !
    एक अस्तित्व है, एक जान है ;
    एक आत्मा है, पहचान है;
    एक ज्वाला है , एक अग्नि है ,
    तू अब खुद को पहचान ले |
    bahut khub keep on poring your ideas about feminism you females are looking to be very good and energetic to face the world with courage so go ahead with your potential and beat the rest

    Keep on smiling

    Ek Ajnabi

  61. Nidhi said

    ‘i hav to realise myself …far better at d feminise end…….to d part of world no fear of failure,no regrates for disabilites,no expecations just abounded home of love n caring,sharing,bearing hardness still producing the sweetness,cheers,smiles,live n live…thy name is feminism.’

    Wel said Manishikha.

    Beautiful poem Tanu.

  62. Hi All,

    I must thank you all for putting your views here. Though I was a bit busy so could make all the comments to read on the last saturday and felt it was really very nice discussion. Special thanx to Shambhavnaji who raised such questions which made us to put our views openly.

    Friends, people are not so simple as we think, they are more complex and complicated. And there are lot of unwanted things in society which need our attention, so I would suggest the social workers and so called great fundamentalists to avoid making things more complicated by putting such things in young generation’s mind just for the name-sake of feminism. As we see things the other way around so we do need to see world by our own mind, of course with the help of our elders.

    Shambhavnaji, day by day you can see the “changing perceptions on marriage” and also our tradition continues in a “progressive way”. I guess, this is one of the ways to bring the gradual change in society.

    Now a days we all are throwing blame-words towards each other which is not at all good for the people of young era, because, what I feel is that the mentality of the young people is changing drastically in a positive way. At last I would like to say “It is important to know that feminism is all about equality, not anger!”

    Once again lot of thanks to each one of you. 🙂

    rgds.

  63. Tanu Shree said

    Hats Off to u Di…for posting such a burning topic …..

    Luv!!

  64. Jitender Singh said

    “It is important to know that feminism is all about equality, not anger!”….yes absolutely correct. Thank you very much for making us to discuss this very hot topic. The views of several people convey a strong message to the young girls to know their potential and move forward to catch the ultimate truth of their lives in order to extract the happiness and glory from this male dominated society. Definitely many guys n gals must have been benefited via reading the views here. Thank you very much once again.

    Hey chhutki, hats off?? aap hat kab se wear karna suru ki? 😉 Himesh ka jaaduu to nehi chha gaya aap pe bhi…hehe

    chalo aapne kaha hai hum v kahenge
    hats off rewa ko hum v karenge

    regards
    Jitender Singh

  65. shweta said

    hum bhi bolenge hum bhi bolenge………………..
    hats off di nd caps too

  66. Tanu Shree said

    Hmmm ye himesh ki topi nahi hai bhai..meri hai…fultoo original… Tanu Brand ki… 😛

  67. Dr. Subhash said

    If a girl want something, she has to ask for it. She has to open her mouth for her right, no matter what people think about it.

    The women have rights but no women can get it without their mouths open.

  68. jennesqf said

    Hello everyone!
    Im new to rewa.wordpress.com.
    Hope I can be a regular here!

  69. dr patel said

    sambhavna saxena hats off to you. I agree! the kanyadaan is offensive to me and i have refused to do it in my marriage next month. i am an adult, a doctor, and my fiance and i chose each other. i should be able to take his hand myself (to give myself and receive him in return). i am not an object to be given, even if it is by my father to my husband. also, both of my parents do not like the kanyadaan and do not want to “give the girl”. because i would not do the kanyadaan my fiance’s parents are disowning him and not coming to our wedding. making me an object is more important to them then any other form of a hindu wedding and the happiness of their son who thinks the kanyadaan is outdated. i liked your comment – what you call tradition i call rigidity. i will remember it in the difficult times ahead.

  70. Dr. Patel Ji & Everyone like him, Do’nt forget that Old is Gold, I mean to say think but not over, we every one have some limit for us, get it first. Daan is the most pavitra (pure) & parmarth (in today’s Swarthi World). And Daan was always for a Great purpose. But we see today misuse of everything so we leave our old Sanskriti which come from Oldest book of world i.e. Rigveda & all the 4 Vedas. Sorry for any type of hurt and Thanks for Accepet the Truth.

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